Wedlock, Marriage (Nikaah)
كتاب النكاح
Chapter 81: The exhortation of taking care of the women
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt (trouble) his neighbor. And I advise you to take care of the women, for they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked, so I urge you to take care of the women."
During the lifetime of the Prophet (ﷺ) we used to avoid chatting leisurely and freely with our wives lest some Divine inspiration might be revealed concerning us. But when the Prophet (ﷺ) had died, we started chatting leisurely and freely (with them).
Chapter 82: "Ward off from yourself and your families a Fire whose fuel is men and stones..."
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Everyone of you is a guardian and everyone of you is responsible (for his wards). A ruler is a guardian and is responsible(for his subjects); a man is a guardian of his family and responsible (for them); a wife is a guardian of her husband's house and she is responsible (for it), a slave is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible (for that). Beware! All of you are guardians and are responsible (for your wards).
Chapter 83: To treat the family in a polite and kind manner
Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands. The first one said, "My husband is like the meat of a slim weak camel which is kept on the top of a mountain which is neither easy to climb, nor is the meat fat, so that one might put up with the trouble of fetching it." The second one said, "I shall not relate my husband's news, for I fear that I may not be able to finish his story, for if I describe him, I will mention all his defects and bad traits." The third one said, "My husband, the "too-tall"! if I describe him (and he hears of that) he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will keep me hanging (neither divorcing me nor treating me as a wife)." The fourth one said, "My husband is (moderate in temper) like the night of Tihama: neither hot nor cold; I am neither afraid of him, nor am I discontented with him." The fifth one said, "My husband, when entering (the house) is a leopard (sleeps a lot), and when going out, is a lion (boasts a lot). He does not ask about whatever is in the house." The sixth one said, "If my husband eats, he eats too much (leaving the dishes empty), and if he drinks he leaves nothing; if he sleeps he sleeps he rolls himself (alone in our blankets); and he does not insert his palm to inquire about my feelings." The seventh one said, "My husband is a wrong-doer or weak and foolish. All the defects are present in him. He may injure your head or your body or may do both." The eighth one said, "My husband is soft to touch like a rabbit and smells like a Zarnab (a kind of good smelling grass)." The ninth one said, "My husband is a tall generous man wearing a long strap for carrying his sword. His ashes are abundant (i.e. generous to his guests) and his house is near to the people (who would easily consult him)." The tenth one said, "My husband is Malik (possessor), and what is Malik? Malik is greater than whatever I say about him. (He is beyond and above all praises which can come to my mind). Most of his camels are kept at home (ready to be slaughtered for the guests) and only a few are taken to the pastures. When the camels hear the sound of the lute (or the tambourine) they realize that they are going to be slaughtered for the guests." The eleventh one said, "My husband is Abu Zar` and what is Abu Zar` (i.e., what should I say about him)? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat (i.e., I have become fat). And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I feel proud of myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty, and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain. Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill. The mother of Abu Zar and what may one say in praise of the mother of Abu Zar? Her saddle bags were always full of provision and her house was spacious. As for the son of Abu Zar, what may one say of the son of Abu Zar? His bed is as narrow as an unsheathed sword and an arm of a kid (of four months) satisfies his hunger. As for the daughter of Abu Zar, she is obedient to her father and to her mother. She has a fat well-built body and that arouses the jealousy of her husband's other wife. As for the (maid) slave girl of Abu Zar, what may one say of the (maid) slavegirl of Abu Zar? She does not uncover our secrets but keeps them, and does not waste our provisions and does not leave the rubbish scattered everywhere in our house." The eleventh lady added, "One day it so happened that Abu Zar went out at the time when the milk was being milked from the animals, and he saw a woman who had two sons like two leopards playing with her two breasts. (On seeing her) he divorced me and married her. Thereafter I married a noble man who used to ride a fast tireless horse and keep a spear in his hand. He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said, Eat (of this), O Um Zar, and give provision to your relatives." She added, "Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar's." `Aisha then said: Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said to me, "I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar."
Aisha said, "While the Ethiopians were playing with their small spears, Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) screened me behind him and I watched (that display) and kept on watching till I left on my own." So you may estimate of what age a little girl may listen to amusement.
Chapter 84: Advice to a daughter regarding her husband
I had been eager to ask `Umar bin Al-Khattab about the two ladies from among the wives of the Prophet regarding whom Allah said 'If you two (wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) namely Aisha and Hafsa) turn in repentance to Allah, your hearts are indeed so inclined (to oppose what the Prophet (ﷺ) likes). (66.4) till `Umar performed the Hajj and I too, performed the Hajj along with him. (On the way) `Umar went aside to answer the call of nature, and I also went aside along with him carrying a tumbler full of water, and when `Umar had finished answering the call of nature, I poured water over his hands and he performed the ablution. Then I said to him, "O chief of the Believers! Who were the two ladies from among the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) regarding whom Allah said: 'If you two (wives of the Prophet) turn in repentance to Allah your hearts are indeed so inclined (to oppose what the Prophet (ﷺ) likes)?" (66.4) He said, "I am astonished at your question, O Ibn `Abbas. They were `Aisha and Hafsa." Then `Umar went on narrating the Hadith and said, "I and an Ansari neighbor of mine from Bani Umaiyya bin Zaid who used to live in `Awali-al-Medina, used to visit the Prophet (ﷺ) in turn. He used to go one day and I another day. When I went, I would bring him the news of what had happened that day regarding the Divine Inspiration and other things, and when he went, he used to do the same for me. We, the people of Quraish used to have the upper hand over our wives, but when we came to the Ansar, we found that their women had the upper hand over their men, so our women also started learning the ways of the Ansari women. I shouted at my wife and she retorted against me and I disliked that she should answer me back. She said to me, 'Why are you so surprised at my answering you back? By Allah, the wives of the Prophet answer him back and some of them may leave (does not speak to) him throughout the day till the night.' The (talk) scared me and I said to her, 'Whoever has done so will be ruined!' Then I proceeded after dressing myself, and entered upon Hafsa and said to her, 'Does anyone of you keep the Prophet (ﷺ) angry till night?' She said, 'Yes.' I said, 'You are a ruined losing person! Don't you fear that Allah may get angry for the anger of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and thus you will be ruined? So do not ask more from the Prophet (ﷺ) and do not answer him back and do not give up talking to him. Ask me whatever you need and do not be tempted to imitate your neighbor (i.e., `Aisha) in her manners for she is more charming than you and more beloved to the Prophet (ﷺ) ." `Umar added,"At that time a talk was circulating among us that (the tribe of) Ghassan were preparing their horses to invade us. My Ansari companion, on the day of his turn, went (to the town) and returned to us at night and knocked at my door violently and asked if I was there. I became horrified and came out to him. He said, 'Today a great thing has happened.' I asked, 'What is it? Have (the people of) Ghassan come?' He said, 'No, but (What has happened) is greater and more horrifying than that: Allah's Messenger (ﷺ); has divorced his wives. `Umar added, "The Prophet (ﷺ) kept away from his wives and I said "Hafsa is a ruined loser.' I had already thought that most probably this (divorce) would happen in the near future. So I dressed myself and offered the morning prayer with the Prophet (ﷺ) and then the Prophet; entered an upper room and stayed there in seclusion. I entered upon Hafsa and saw her weeping. I asked, 'What makes you weep? Did I not warn you about that? Did the Prophet (ﷺ) divorce you all?' She said, 'I do not know. There he is retired alone in the upper room.' I came out and sat near the pulpit and saw a group of people sitting around it and some of them were weeping. I sat with them for a while but could not endure the situation, so I went to the upper room where the Prophet; was and said to a black slave of his, 'Will you get the permission (of the Prophet (ﷺ) ) for `Umar (to enter)?' The slave went in, talked to the Prophet (ﷺ) about it and then returned saying, 'I have spoken to the Prophet (ﷺ) and mentioned you but he kept quiet.' Then I returned and sat with the group of people sitting near the pulpit. but I could not bear the situation and once again I said to the slave, 'Will you get the permission for `Umar?' He went in and returned saying, 'I mentioned you to him but he kept quiet.' So I returned again and sat with the group of people sitting near the pulpit, but I could not bear the situation, and so I went to the slave and said, 'Will you get the permission for `Umar?' He went in and returned to me saying, 'I mentioned you to him but he kept quiet.' When I was leaving, behold! The slave called me, saying, 'The Prophet (ﷺ) has given you permission.' Then I entered upon Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and saw him Lying on a bed made of stalks of date palm leaves and there was no bedding between it and him. The stalks left marks on his side and he was leaning on a leather pillow stuffed with date-palm fires. I greeted him and while still standing I said, 'O Allah's Apostle! Have you divorced your wives?' He looked at me and said, 'No.' I said, 'Allah Akbar!' And then, while still standing, I said chatting, 'Will you heed what I say, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)? We, the people of Quraish used to have power over our women, but when we arrived at Medina we found that the men (here) were overpowered by their women.' The Prophet (ﷺ) smiled and then I said to him, 'Will you heed what I say, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)? I entered upon Hafsa and said to her, "Do not be tempted to imitate your companion (`Aisha), for she is more charming than you and more beloved to the Prophet.' " The Prophet (ﷺ) smiled for a second time. When I saw him smiling, I sat down. Then I looked around his house, and by Allah, I could not see anything of importance in his house except three hides, so I said, 'O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Invoke Allah to make your followers rich, for the Persians and the Romans have been made prosperous and they have been given (the pleasures of the world), although they do not worship Allah.' Thereupon the Prophet (ﷺ) sat up as he was reclining. and said, 'Are you of such an opinion, O the son of Al-Khattab? These are the people who have received the rewards for their good deeds in this world.' I said, 'O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Ask Allah to forgive me.' Then the Prophet (ﷺ) kept away from his wives for twenty-nine days because of the story which Hafsa had disclosed to `Aisha. The Prophet (ﷺ) had said, 'I will not enter upon them (my wives) for one month,' because of his anger towards them, when Allah had admonished him. So, when twenty nine days had passed, the Prophet (ﷺ) first entered upon `Aisha. `Aisha said to him, 'O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! You had sworn that you would not enter upon us for one month, but now only twenty-nine days have passed, for I have been counting them one by one.' The Prophet (ﷺ) said, 'The (present) month is of twenty nine days.' `Aisha added, 'Then Allah revealed the Verses of the option. (2) And out of all his-wives he asked me first, and I chose him.' Then he gave option to his other wives and they said what `Aisha had said . " (1) The Prophet, ' had decided to abstain from eating a certain kind of food because of a certain event, so Allah blamed him for doing so. Some of his wives were the cause of him taking that decision, therefore he deserted them for one month. See Qur'an: (66.4)
Chapter 85: A woman should not observe Saum except husband's consent (is 'with her' missing here?)
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "A woman should not fast (optional fasts) except with her husband's permission if he is at home (staying with her).
Chapter 86: If a woman deserts her husband's bed
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "If a man Invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses to come to him, then the angels send their curses on her till morning."
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "If a woman spends the night deserting her husband's bed (does not sleep with him), then the angels send their curses on her till she comes back (to her husband).
Chapter 87: A woman should not allow anyone to enter the house except husband's consent (here too)
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "It is not lawful for a lady to fast (Nawafil) without the permission of her husband when he is at home; and she should not allow anyone to enter his house except with his permission; and if she spends of his wealth (on charitable purposes) without being ordered by him, he will get half of the reward."
Chapter 88: Chapter
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "I stood at the gate of Paradise and saw that the majority of the people who entered it were the poor, while the wealthy were stopped at the gate (for the accounts). But the companions of the Fire were ordered to be taken to the Fire. Then I stood at the gate of the Fire and saw that the majority of those who entered it were women."
Chapter 89: To be unthankful to the husband
During the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), the sun eclipsed. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) offered the prayer of (the) eclipse) and so did the people along with him. He performed a long Qiyam (standing posture) during which Surat-al-Baqara could have been recited; then he performed a pro-longed bowing, then raised his head and stood for a long time which was slightly less than that of the first Qiyam (and recited Qur'an). Then he performed a prolonged bowing again but the period was shorter than the period of the first bowing, then he stood up and then prostrated. Again he stood up, but this time the period of standing was less than the first standing. Then he performed a prolonged bowing but of a lesser duration than the first, then he stood up again for a long time but for a lesser duration than the first. Then he performed a prolonged bowing but of lesser duration than the first, and then he again stood up, and then prostrated and then finished his prayer. By then the sun eclipse had cleared. The Prophet (ﷺ) then said, "The sun and the moon are two signs among the signs of Allah, and they do not eclipse because of the death or birth of someone, so when you observe the eclipse, remember Allah (offer the eclipse prayer)." They (the people) said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! We saw you stretching your hand to take something at this place of yours, then we saw you stepping backward." He said, "I saw Paradise (or Paradise was shown to me), and I stretched my hand to pluck a bunch (of grapes), and had I plucked it, you would have eaten of it as long as this world exists. Then I saw the (Hell) Fire, and I have never before, seen such a horrible sight as that, and I saw that the majority of its dwellers were women." The people asked, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! What is the reason for that?" He replied, "Because of their ungratefulness." It was said. "Do they disbelieve in Allah (are they ungrateful to Allah)?" He replied, "They are not thankful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors done to them. Even if you do good to one of them all your life, when she seems some harshness from you, she will say, "I have never seen any good from you.' "
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "I looked at Paradise and saw that the majority of its residents were the poor; and I looked at the (Hell) Fire and saw that the majority of its residents were women."
Chapter 90: Your wife has a right over you
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "O `Abdullah! Have I not been formed that you fast all the day and stand in prayer all night?" I said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)!" He said, "Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave them (the fast) at other times; stand up for the prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you."
Chapter 91: The woman is a guardian in her husband's house
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian and is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards."
Chapter 92: "Men are protectors and maintainers of women."
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) took an oath that he would not visit his wives for one month, and he sat in an upper room belonging to him. Then, on the twenty ninth day he came down. It was said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! You had taken an oath not to visit your wives for one month." He said, "The (present) month is of twenty-nine days."
Chapter 93: The decision of the Prophet (saws) not to share the beds with his wives and to stay away
The Prophet (ﷺ) took an oath that he would not enter upon some of his wives for one month. But when twenty nine days had elapsed, he went to them in the morning or evening. It was said to him, "O Allah's Prophet! You had taken an oath that you would not enter upon them for one month." He replied, "The month can be of twenty nine days."
One morning we saw the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) weeping, and everyone of them had her family with her, I went to the mosque and found that it was crowded with people. Then `Umar bin Al-Khattab came and went up to the Prophet (ﷺ) who was in his upper room. He greeted him but nobody answered. He greeted again, but nobody answered. Then the gatekeeper called him and he entered upon the Prophet, and asked, "Have you divorced your wives?" The Prophet, said, "No, but I have taken an oath not to go to them for one month." So the Prophet (ﷺ) stayed away (from his wives) for twenty nine days and then entered upon them.
Chapter 94: The beating of women is disapproved
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "None of you should flog his wife as he flogs a slave and then have sexual intercourse with her in the last part of the day."
Chapter 95: Not to obey the husband if he orders to do something sinful
An Ansari woman gave her daughter in marriage and the hair of the latter started falling out. The Ansari women came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and mentioned that to him and said, "Her (my daughter's) husband suggested that I should let her wear false hair." The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "No, (don't do that) for Allah sends His curses upon such ladies who lengthen their hair artificially."